Charlotte, NC – In a stunning display of unity, the Charlotte City Council voted unanimously last night to turn the city’s iconic Truist Building into a veritable beacon of light by increasing its radiance by 10,000 lumens. The decision has already sparked heated debates among residents, whose input was conspicuously not sought after throughout the Council’s decision-making process.
The initiative, dubbed “Operation Flash Burn,” is set to begin next month, with the official goal of “shining a light on Charlotte’s potential, literally and metaphorically.” City Council members were reportedly inspired by 3C 273 in the constellation of Virgo, also known as the brightest quasar in the known universe.
“I couldn’t be more thrilled,” said Councilwoman Nancy White, sporting a pair of oversized sunglasses at the meeting. “We’re going to light up the night like a thousand suns and make Charlotte impossible to ignore. It’s time we show the world we’re more than just a banking city – we’re a beacon of progress and innovation!”
Though some residents question the practicality of the decision, the City Council remains steadfast in its belief that brighter is always better. “If we can light up the night sky, surely we can light a spark in the hearts of our citizens,” opined Councilman John Thomas, who was seen squinting with determination throughout the proceedings.
However, not everyone is enthusiastic about the impending flood of lumens. Local environmentalist Daisy Green voiced her concerns, stating, “There’s a fine line between a bright idea and a glaring mistake. With the energy consumption and light pollution that this project entails, I fear we’re veering towards the latter.”
Local astronomers also expressed dismay, fearing that the blinding brightness of the Truist Building will cast a literal shadow on their stargazing pursuits. “It’s a real slap in the face for those of us who have dedicated our lives to studying the cosmos,” lamented Dr. Astra Jenkins, a prominent Charlotte-based astronomer.
Nonetheless, Councilwoman White remains resolute. “The naysayers will always find something to complain about,” she countered, “but the fact of the matter is, whether residents know it themselves yet or not, a gigantic building of blinding light is objectively in their best interests.”
As preparations for Operation Flash Burn begin, the Charlotte City Council has already started brainstorming other innovative ways to put the city on the map. Rumor has it that the next big idea on the docket is a proposal to amplify the noise of construction to the maximum amount of decibels possible, for a reason yet to be determined by the Council.